Train of Thoughts
by Sailor Centauri
Summary: Whilst on the train to the reserch center Professor Hawkins told them about, Yami thinks about what has happened and how empty he feels without Yugi at his side.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything in the show or any person in the show, they belong to the people who created them. 

**Summary:** Whilst on the train to the reserch center Professor Hawkins told them about, Yami thinks about what has happened and how empty he feels without Yugi at his side.

**Note:** The flashbacks are in italics.

**Train of Thoughts.**

-

I still can't believe he's gone; my friend, my partner, my other half. Yugi sacrificed his soul and his freedom to save mine and I did nothing to deserve it. I activated that evil card; I activated the Seal of Orichalcos and pushed Yugi aside like he meant nothing to me, whereas he actually means the whole world to me. Without him I am nothing but a spirit, a spirit living inside someone else's body. Invited or not, that's all I'll ever be. I'll never feel true life again and now Yugi's gone I'll never feel true emotions again.

He was the spark of light in my darkness; the spark that kept me from doing things that would otherwise have caused great destruction and pain to those around me. I am capable of unbelievable things, things Yugi knows all too well, and yet he's willing to put up with them. Even after I betrayed him, betrayed his faith in me and shunned him all in that one duel, he still didn't care. I saw the hurt in his eyes when I pushed him away, I heard him pleading with me but I failed to heed his words. So when he came and pushed me out of the way I was shocked. I stared into his innocent eyes for about the hundredth time and saw forgiveness, not hatred or anger. He was trying to save me, even though I'd done something truly awful.

I can still see it in my minds eye; that duel flashing over and over before my vision. Raphael had tricking me into using the seal of Orichalcos, using it and losing the duel.

-

_"You can't, don't play that card!" Yugi cried._

_"I have to, trust me!" Yami cried back._

_Yami slid the card into the duel disk, as Yugi floated near by watching in disbelief and sadness. The green circled encased Yami and Raphael, pushing Yugi aside and locking him behind a smaller seal._

-

The duel had moved onwards, and I didn't know it, but Raphael had planned it all along. He had desired my soul and I had fallen freely into his trap.

-

_"No!" Yami screamed as his life points spiralled down to zero._

_The seal slowly closed in around the former pharaoh as his body clumped forwards but he just stood there, a soft crimson light glinting in his eyes, showing that he had activated the seal of Orichalcos._

_"So long, Pharaoh," Raphael laughed as he approached Yami._

_"No!" a gentle voice cried._

_Yami felt a pair of hands press themselves into his back and he was pushed out of the seal. Whirling around in shock, he saw that Yugi had taken his place._

_"Yugi, what are you doing?" he cried._

_"It only needs one of us so I'm letting the seal take me instead," Yugi responded, smiling at his partner as if saying goodbye._

_"No, Yugi!" Yami cried._

_The seal vanished along with Yugi's soul, leaving Yami to collapse to the ground unconscious._

-

I can still see Yugi standing there as the seal took him from me, staring back at me with that look in his eyes. I'd have thought he'd be angry with me, yet his eyes showed no anger, just a strange look. A mixture of forgiveness, kindness and trust. He'd forgiven me already. His kindness had moved me and his trust shone as if he knew he could count on me for anything when I had lost faith in myself. I could no longer trust myself with protecting Yugi; I had already failed him by playing the card that had sealed his fate.

At that moment it all slipped away as I collapsed to the ground and my consciousness began to wane. My pride, my trust and belief in myself and most of all any heart I had left. Without Yugi, I had no heart. All I knew was darkness, all I knew was how to fight to protect myself and that was it. I didn't care when Joey punched me and I went hurtling to the ground. I didn't care at the moment Kaiba started shouting over the phone about how I could lose to a second rate duelist, and I certainly didn't care when I heard Rebecca crying and shouting and arguing with her grandfather. Why should I care? The only thing I had that helped me care was gone.

I knew the others wanted to help me but I couldn't even help myself. It was like the time Yugi had lost his faith in me at Duelist Kingdom. He lost his trust and faith in himself and in me and he got lost in his own thoughts, unable to come up with a solution until Tea and Mai duelled to try and snap him out of it. At that time I could feel it and I can feel it again now, only it's me who's lost inside his head.

I can hear Tea trying to talk to me as we sit on this train. I can hear her trying to coax me into saying something but for some reason I just can't move my lips; I can't make a sound go past my throat. It's as if my thoughts have crowded my mind and trapped my attention, just like how trap cards trap monsters on the dueling field. This time I'm the monster and my opponent, my mind, has trapped me and is making me watch as everything else goes by. No matter where I go, that trap Raphael had set for me follows me like a plague. It wants to destroy me and I often wander why I don't just let it; if it wasn't for the fact that I knew I could save Yugi somehow I would have.

I heard Tea try and soothe my mind, promising we'd save Yugi together, but somehow it just seems so far out of my current reach.

"I'm sorry, Tea," I apologise, as I get up and leave my seat.

I walked silently towards a door before me, feeling her eyes on my back and somebody else's, although I can't tell whose. I step through the door and close it, finding myself standing in the adjoining piece of the two train cars. Once again, my thoughts fly into my mind as I look out the door and see the scenery fly past my eyes, the thoughts of everything that had happened finally getting on top of me.

"It's not fair!" I cry. "It's my fault!"

I punched the wall in front of me. That much I knew, it hurt, and it wasn't the only thing by far that did. I then slumped against the wall behind me and slid down it, staring at the floor beneath me. Again, all I could think about was Yugi and everything I'd done to him. Losing myself in self-pity I continued to sit there for a while. I just had to be alone.

-

Please RR and let me know what you think, as this is my first time at doing a one shot fic of this kind.


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